Clean It Up – Dream It Up

It’s almost New Year’s Eve – that magical yet pesky night of regrets and renewals bridging past and future plots as fast and glittery as any Mad Man script.

I just finished making my first list of closing out 2012 and thoughts for 2013, and I find that I have two items needing attention before the last day of the year.  I do not want to do either as they are along the lines of amends.  But, I will, as a practical practice that helps make my life work better, prepares me to better love and serve, and unblocks the doorway to dream.

And dream I do.  I have so many hopes, goals, creative projects and optimistic outlooks for the new year that I sit here in a bit of awe.  What a life we get to live that we get to clean it up and dream it up – both, however, could be dangerous slopes for me if not step and Spirit-led. 

So as we come to the close of this year, I hope you too can find a permissive pause to listen to your heart.  And may the peace of God greet you in this moment between the years – this threshold of dreams.

Anniversaries Melt our Hearts

Anniversaries melt our hearts – pooling at our Feet.

I’ve had a hard time with missing my sister today.  It’s as if the annual anniversary has melted my heart and puddles at my feet.  A dam I didn’t even know existed over these past months has broken – swoosh, swoosh and more tears. 

I stand precariously close to the edge of the tempting river of self-pity, resisting immersion only by knowing that to enter would mean a dangerous and an un-foretold ride on whitewater rapids of grief; without surety of finding an exit point along the banks measured by calendar or emotions, or even spiritual rope thrown by friend or God.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t stare longingly at the mesmerizing water route downstream and away from where I stand, and dream about what it might feel like to let go, totally; to give into this lump in my throat, the pain in my tummy, and these intermittent flashes and feelings of Trudy’s fingers in mine while they were still warm with her life.

What I want to do is call Trudy. Continue reading