Lullaby of Care:Reflections on a Fears Inventory

“…and I wonder if maybe the best of my planning might be to go to sleep to my ideas; to nap while the kinks and knots are unfolded and untied; the ropes of self-sufficiency cast off this mental dock, and to allow the gentle rock and sway of an un-tethered boat lull me to rest under God’s lullaby of care.”

I dreamt last night that my husband, his mother and I were on the top floor of a parking garage watching a dirty tornado dip into the earth, followed by a huge orange, red and black fireball that tore its way across the Houston skies.  I wrote a bit about the feelings in the dream, then read in a chapter entitled The Knowledge of God Shall Cover the Earth about fear robbing our memory of being One, our Christ-consciousness, limiting our joy and ability to carry love for others.  All brought me to ask, “What are my fears?  When was the last time I paused to actively inventory what scares me, and to write them down in lieu of continuing the mental dance of denying influence?”

Eighteen lines later, old and not so old fears ranging from health to varying degrees of comfortable living definitively planted themselves in black and white on my pages.  Now what?  Now what do I do?

Expose them.  Bring them to the light of God. Continue reading

Sunshine and Butterflies

I asked this morning if possible, I’d like some sunshine and a butterfly.

As I backed my car (Trudy’s car) out of the garage, this Monarch flew right into my passenger window, fluttered around then landed on the yellow and purple flowers nearby. I jumped out of the car, ran to take a picture… her dance then included running into my hand before she eventually went on her way.

A year ago today Les and I got to be with Sis as she began her journey. We miss her terribly, but with this sweet butterfly, sunshine, and all of our precious memories of her we know we are blessed. Thank you God. Thank you Trudy.

Morning Time

I renewed my morning time meditation list this year.  I noticed that somewhere between July and December my meditation had casually strayed into the murkier wanderings of just reading.  Just writing.  Just praying – although what a disservice to the power of prayer it is to be preceded with “just”. 

My practice of making a list each morning had become noticeably absent, and I am happy to find that in resuming this portion of my practice, benefits of a more balanced life are also reappearing.

My morning time meditation, or Morning Time, includes journaling, reading, prayers and quiet times of meditation and affirmations. 

Journaling is incredibly important to my Morning Time.  It helps to move me into the center of my life, placing my spiritual life as important enough to make a priority in my day.  I usually begin with what I call my Morning Time List which follows a pattern of listing gratitudes, naming people and groups of people in prayer, and ending with writing promises to myself for the day.  I move on to reading and listening to the messages that come, then return to my writing with as little judgement as possible about what shows up on the pages.

Morning Time List
Gratitudes, Prayers and Promises Continue reading

bT – aT

It concerns me to think that I may have to accept that I will never be the same again: bT vs aT (before and after Trudy).  It conflicts with what I thought I was accepting – that if, and since, I am still here God must have a plan for me.  Couple this with retirement, and getting it stuck in my head that I only have 10-15 years left – well, I’m closing down before the bell has rung.  And that doesn’t seem right.  Taking up space, and air, and resources – this place on earth without contribution?  So maybe it’s as simple as purpose.  Whatever it is, my heart’s not in it.  And that doesn’t seem right either.

I miss my family.  Maybe it’s that simple even as it remains that un-solvable.  Please Lord, make me a channel of your love and caring and peace on earth today, and please help me to look for You today and feel You in my life today in ways that lift me to Your purpose.  Help me be present to Your now and Your purpose for me.