This meditation was originally written on December 17, 2012, five days after the horrific shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. And on an anniversary of a phone call to my sister, Trudy, that was the beginning of her journey to the hospital and a month later, going Home. In that original post I added a post script hinting of hope as carried by grief – a surprising conduit of Love.
This year I find in God’s good grace of time and mercy that my personal darkness has lightened; yet, I cannot help but be aware of the greater gray fears we are collectively experiencing in a world gone seemingly mad. So again I find myself reaching for the hope that I might find on this doorway of Advent and by the light of God’s promise, Christ. And enter into prayers as many of us come together in our readings, listenings and waiting in this season of our lives.
May God meet you and keep you in Love today, no matter the matter of fears and worry.
LIVING IN THE SEASON OF LIGHT WHILE DARKNESS EXISTS
Theresa Wyatt Prebilsky
December 17, 2012
Morning time brought a hopeful message for this heavy time of grief – my own as well as the Country’s as we grieve the tragedy and loss of such innocent children and brave adults. In meditation and journaling, two vivid visuals came as guides to living in the season of Light while darkness clearly exists.
In the first, I’m standing on a sturdy and thick layer of encrusted ice over a fast-flowing river; looking down past my feet and through the ice, seeing the river of personal grief running southward fast and purposefully.
I am not comfortable. I don’t like the possibility that I am being asked to force frozen feelings and sacrifice expression that might also catch in it’s net-of-numbness what joy might accidentally seep to the surface. But then a question is posed from a different perspective than my own, self-centered sense of sadness and neediness.
Why would you not step aside from your feelings long enough and step up to My service in a time when others are also struggling with Christmas and all the other rough stuff that is going on?
Even in my resistance I can recognize the beckoning-to-service call as God’s. Then, a second guidance begins with soft and warm tones unlike the first.
Crawl into the folds of your Father’s love.
And I did.
I sat silently in the golden warmth and love of God long enough and with just enough willingness to begin noticing a change in my relationship with grief and gratitude.
Understanding begins to thaw.
What at first seemed discordant, this fixation of darkness in a season of light, becomes an authentic doorway into the healing of Advent. An invitation to come and enter as I am into the strength and support of my Holy Parent as God is – a rock-solid yet transparent floor of ice beneath my feet; allowing me to see but not drown in these very real rushes of sadness, grief or despair.
By love I am encouraged to return again and again to these visuals of care and protection whenever fear or self-pity tempts me out of service to others, or when sadness threatens to steal the fresh, crisp new joy that I might find in the light of God’s promise, Christ.
And, once again there is new hope for living, authentically, in the season of Light while darkness exists.